So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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