So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
