I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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