I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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