you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
