I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
