I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
