Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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