I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
