I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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