Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
