I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize