i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
