I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
A+ Viking dick
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
