He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
