Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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