We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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