I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
