Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
