Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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