i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
