I must be too annoying 4 u.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
