im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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