Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
