There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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