Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
how drunk are you?
Several
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
