They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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