How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
handjob tips. give me some.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
