Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
