All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
