somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
