she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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