carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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