Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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