You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
