I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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