I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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