Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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