when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
