this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
