All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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