i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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