He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
