she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
