mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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