I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
