Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
