I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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