just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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