Define "chronic" masturbator.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
