I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
