I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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