Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
