Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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