I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
