God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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