I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
