There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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