I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
