you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
