The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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