Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just pee around me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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