His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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