Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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