Your mouth is God's brothel.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
