Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
