I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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