just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
