Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
